spreading ashes.

my friend kallie was here all this last week.
it was pretty fun having her out here! although i think ryan was a little shy... he wasnt acting himself around her. but, in his defense, if you dont know kallie... its pretty hard to be yourself. hah!
while she was out here, we spread some of her brothers/my friends ashes. he died a little over 6 years ago now... it was a car accident. drinking and driving.
it seems so cliche now. drinking and driving. ...
after john died, he became a legend in my hometown. a whole organization was made in his memory.... his dreams are being lived out by his siblings and friends. over and over again. people still talk about him to this day. repeating memories they have with him. we all miss him. alot.
but spreading his ashes, made it seem like suuuuper real that he was gone. and never coming back. but at the same time, it was like... a really nice goodbye.
i could just picture him in my head, waving goodbye as he walked away.
i tried not to have too much of a reaction while we were doing the spreading of the ashes. no tears, or talking... just had to shut my trap for a second.
i didnt want to upset kallie. his baby sister. my friend. someone i had promised john i would always look after...
when john was alive, i remember him walking into my boyfriends house (bf at the time, now ex husband) and telling me, his little sister was starting school at granada. (my high school) and he said "can you watch out for her? i dont want her to get in trouble... and shes starting to notice boys. and shes got HUGE CANS... so i know boys are lookin at her... can you just keep an eye on her for me?"
turns out john really had nothing to worry about... his sister is a lesbian. sooo... she was definately not noticing boys. =p
but all the same... i still look out for her til this day. and i know shes a grown woman now, with a family of her own. (ok she has a kid... but ONLY because she wanted one. NOT because she liked a boy) and i know john would be proud of her. and he would LOVE his nephew to death. i see alot of john in his nephew. (i sometimes wonder if kallie does too... shes never said anything about it)

rest in peace, johnny o. we all miss you. everyday.