my friend sara...

everyone has a friend like my friend sara...
your friend, however may not have the same personaility traits, or same interests, or same anything as my friend sara...
 but we ALL have that one friend, that crazy shit just happens when youre together.
you could plan a totally normal night, watching movies, and eating pizza. and it would end up being a huge massive party, that probably got out of control, even for the biggest of partier.
im talkin, somehow, the magics in the universe got scrambled, and a pink elephant is walking around, there are midgets on unicycles, obama is there smoking pot... etc. what have you...
ok... probably not THAT out of control, but you get my point. we all have that ONE friend.
 and my one friend like that, is dear ol sara...
when her and i met, we clicked instantly. 2 cool ass chicks? who wouldnt?? duh.

but im here to share a few fun memories i have with her... (sorry sara... i may be divulging some personal information... you can get back at me later... but for now... this shit is getting told!)

sara recently turned 21, so this one story in particular comes to mind when i think of her...

i had moved into this house, that was over priced for its quality, and the neighborhood it was in. i had made a deal with the landlord, that i would fix up the house and she takes a little off rent. well i had tore up the carpets exposing the awesome hard wood floors, painted the walls, and had started painting the outside.
well it was a hot summer day, me and sara wanted to paint, get our tan on a little... and my son was off in washington visiting his dad for a couple weeks. so we decided "ah might as well..."

so there we were, music blasting, painting is moving along smoothly, and conversation is short but sweet.
we get a call from her then boyfriend forrest, who says he would help us, and bring over beer for the hot day.
we were pretty pumped, so we eagerly agreed. (saying you had beer, to me and sara was an automatic invite back then)
time goes on, its hot as hell out, humid... and the beer is flowing. its going down waaaay too easy.
before we knew it, there was an outright party in my front lawn. except, it wasnt really a party... it was just me and sara.
sara then decided its way too hot for a shirt. so she takes it off... in the middle of the afternoon, in the middle of town, in a neighborhood where there was a school not more than a block away.
and shes just galavanting around my lawn in her bra... havin the time of her life.
not more than 10 minutes later, (i swear) 2 cops roll up. cherries on.
does sara give a shit? not really... at that point, she was only concerned about having to PAY for a minor consumption ticket. (before you get all huffy about her drinking under age. we have all done it. and sara has served her time in the army for 2 years now... i think she deserves a beer. so shut up)
one of the cops is my ex husbands uncle, and the other was one i had never seen before.
my ex husbands uncle of course came right up to me and says "jenn, what the hell?" HAHAH!
sara doesnt even wait for anyone to talk to her, she walks right up to the other cop, IN HER BRA... and asks "whats the damage gonna be? i know im in trouble"
long story short, sara got a minor consumption ticket, in just her bra. pretty funny if ya ask me...

but that brings me to another story... which is a little more risque! so if you thought the previous story was innaporpriate, please do not continue reading...
it was on another night, me and sara were just planning on sitting on my porch, (cause my porch was awesome) and having a few drinks...
weeeelllll i guess people were bored. and they all decided my house was the house to be at...
sara gets entirely too wasted off straight JAGER, that she stole from her boyfriend and takes her shirt off again. this time she wasnt wearing a bra. (dont worry there was another girl there in just her bra- sara isnt always the naked one)
a friend of ours who is quite the reserved catholic, popped in after work to say hello, got what im sure was NOT what he would ever expect to happen to him in his entire life.
i dont know where sara came from, but she came running up to him, bare boobs in tow, arms open... and just jumped on him.
the look on his face, is story worthy alone, but he reacted so quickly he threw sara off of him, she hit her back on the arm of the couch, and fell on the floor ontop of the jager bottle, and had somehow pulled me and another person ontop of her. HAHAHHA!!! my reserved friend literally took off running and drove away...

those are my most 2 memorable stories with sara... not that theyre not all very memorable. but i guess these are my faveorite to tell! =]

my 'how to' guide for BEING ME!

HOW TO BE JENN-



1. be blunt.
-have a friend who DESPERATELY needs to wax her mustache? just tell her straight up. she will appreciate that you care enough about HER appearance, that she wont be offended.

2. be anal about your hair
-having good hair, ALWAYS makes you look 11085858383% better than the bastard standing next to you.

3. be just a little bit of a clean freak
- a nice clean house is ALWAYS good to come home to, and sit and relax in. and its also never embarassing when people come over unexpectedly.

4. have atleast 6 (minimum) shirts for every kind of occasion
-its nice to know you have options.

5. whiten your teeth.
-plain and simple, ppl look DISGUSTING with yellow teeth

6. stick by your morals AND opinions. but NEVER ever press them on anyone.
-just because someone doesnt agree with what you stand for, doesnt mean you should change that. a person with their own opinions and morals look more intelligant.

7. dont chase the opposite sex. ever.
-they will come to you.

8. be stubborn.
-being stubborn can be a bad thing, but it generally works out best for me. im stubborn when it comes to being a mom, an employee, a customer, hair... etc

9. be a shoe nazi.
-can never have enough shoes.

10. smile AND laugh, atleast 5 times a day..
-it seriously puts you in a better mood. and i read somewhere (probably cosmo) that its suuper healthy.
-also... try and find the humor in everything. it makes for a good time.

11. always make sure you have great breath. if not great, at the very least OK.
-seriously... it makes you more confident.

12. own at least 5 different type of purfumes.
-one for every season and one for going out.

13. LOVE LOVE LOVE with ALL that you have.
-you dont want to leave this earth knowing you didnt give it your all! do you??

14. do what you love...
-even if it means kicking babies. ya gotta stay happy... right?? (but i seriously wouldnt reccomend kicking babies... thats just mean)

15. be a little bit bossy.
-you usually get what you want. if not, oh well.

16. know when to be nice and know when to be a bitch.
-being a "bitch" generally means youre sticking up for a friend, or when youre REALLY pissed. but most of all... killen em with kindness, really does work.

17. take care of your skin, nails and feet.
-this needs no explanation. its just common sense.

18. never, ever, under any circumstances lie to your boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse or signifigant other.
-it ALWAYS comes back to bite you in the ass. and having an honest relationship really does make it ALOT better.

19. have atleast 2 best friends, 5 really good friends, and alot of friends...
-you wont be bored. ever.

20. be nice to your parents.
-they deserve it. (most parents do)

21. be tough.
-know how to protect yourself, and maybe others around you

22. be a lady.
-know when to be proper. burping and farting are just not allowed or even OK in some instances.

23. be an aggresive driver.
-not a shitty one.

24. drink wine.
-its good for your heart.

25. be social.
-duh.

believe what you want, but ill believe my apartment is haunted.

for the past 5, almost 6 months, ive been hearing noises in my apartment that i just brushed off my shoulder. and the orbs in pictures i took, i passed off as dust molecules...
weeeeeelllllllllllllllll...
recently, (and i am most definately NOT kidding, exaggerating, lying, crazy...etc) i saw a cubbord in my kitchen open ITSELF, and shut on its own!!
ive also been seeing shadows. (but those could be my eyes playing tricks on me...and to be honest, im looking for reasons to tell myself that my eyes were playing tricks on me when i saw the cubbord open.)

last night had to be the SCARIEST expierience of my freaking life though...

i usually lay in bed and watch some tv, before i fall asleep. well lately ive also been having some insomnia bullshit goin on... not being able to get to sleep past 230 in the morning. (it seriously, seriously SUCKS!!)

anyway!
i tried laying in the dark, eyes closed and tv off. thought maybe if i bored myself, id fall asleep.
well it didnt work AT ALL... considering i felt the bed move, as if someone was walking on it, right next to me! i felt my leg, sink in. it scared the shit out of me, i closed my eyes super tight and hid under the blanket.
THEN! (here is where i got really scared)
i heard something/someone whisper "JENNY!!!!" in my ear, in a scratchy-demonic voice.
so i did the only logical and smart thing, any person should do in a situation like that... took off running outta my room and turned on every light in my apartment. haha!

so whatever it was, definately has been a creep stalker- and decided calling me "jenny" like we were old pals, was cool to do.
UMMMM no.
definately gonna get the power of jesus up in this beezy, and shun that shit outta my dwelling.
shit like that is NOT allowed.

guess who invested into a night light???